IT’S TIME FOR A NEW GM

It’s Time to Replace Jerry Jones as Cowboys GM – For the Love of Football, Sign the Patetion

Ladies and gentlemen, loyal Cowboys fans, and those who’ve aged 10 years every season since 1996… we come to you today with a message of desperation, hope, and mildly aggressive sarcasm.

It’s time.
We’ve seen enough.
We must replace Jerry Jones as General Manager of the Dallas Cowboys — before he trades the turf for gold-plated astroturf and drafts a punter in the first round because he “has a good gut feeling.”

Let’s be honest. Jerry Jones has done some great things. The man bought the team, built the brand, and somehow convinced millions of us that this was the year — every single year — for 28 straight years. That’s Hall of Fame-level gaslighting. Respect.

But running the Cowboys as a one-man fantasy team for three decades is like letting your grandma manage your crypto wallet because she won big at bingo in 1994.

We’ve watched draft picks get made with the subtlety of a Vegas roulette wheel. We’ve seen playoff hopes rise like a Texas brisket in July… and collapse just as quickly, but with far more tears and broken TVs.

And don’t get us started on the press conferences. No other GM in the league gives a Monday morning breakdown like he just stepped off the set of a Wild West reboot titled “The Good, The Bad, and The 8-8 Record.”

So here we are, Cowboys Nation, pleading with you to stand up, click your mouse, and sign the official “Patetion” (yes, we spelled it like Jerry might in a hurry) to respectfully ask Mr. Jones to take a step back, sip some sweet tea, and let actual football people run the football team.

This isn’t just about wins. This is about sanity.

This is about your uncle Carl not breaking another remote in January.

This is about believing that “next year” might actually mean next year.

Let’s make the Cowboys America’s Team again — not America’s longest-running tragic comedy.

Sign the patetion. Save the Cowboys.
Do it for the glory. Do it for the memes. Do it for Dak.

👇👇👇
[🖊️ SIGN THE PATETION NOW 🖊️]

(And yes, we’ll fix the spelling… after we fix the front office.)