IT’S TIME FOR A NEW GM

Ladies and gentlemen, Cowboys fans, and those who’ve aged a decade per season since 1996… brace yourselves for a dose of hope wrapped in aggressive sarcasm.

It’s time to replace Jerry Jones as General Manager of the Dallas Cowboys — before he trades the field for gold-plated astroturf or drafts a punter first overall because his “gut” says so.

Jerry’s done some things right. He bought the team, built the brand, and convinced us all — for 28 straight years — that this is the year. That’s Hall of Fame-level delusion peddling. Applause.

But running the Cowboys like a one-man fantasy draft for three decades is like letting your bingo-champ grandma manage your crypto. Bold, but disastrous.

Draft picks spin like a Vegas roulette wheel. Playoff hopes rise like Texas brisket… then crash with more tears than a rom-com marathon. And those press conferences? No GM delivers a Monday morning monologue like he’s auditioning for “The Good, The Bad, and The 8-8 Record.”

Cowboys Nation, it’s time to rise, sip some sweet tea, and demand Jerry let actual football minds run the show. This isn’t just about wins — it’s about sanity. It’s about your uncle Carl not smashing another remote in January. It’s about “next year” meaning something.

Make the Cowboys America’s Team again, not America’s longest-running tragic sitcom. Save the star. Do it for glory. Do it for memes. Do it for Dak.